Many know the famous line from Shakespeare’s play, Julius Caesar – “The fault, dear Brutus, is not in our stars, but in ourselves…” Which many interpret this to mean that you have control of making changes in your life and should not leave it up to fate. However, making the choice to change is difficult. Our past has created scars, and it is the fault in our scars that stop us from changing.
The Scars of our Past
When I refer to the scars of our past, I am talking about all of those moments that made us believe that we are not enough. Those limiting beliefs that we started believing so long ago keep us from changing our lives.
We all have baggage from our past that makes up a big part of who we are. But the scars of our past do not have to be the road map to our future.
Painful things happen to us and sometimes they leave deep scars. We can continue to look at those scars, think about those scars, and let them define who we are. Or, we can accept that the scars are a part of us, learn from that pain, and make a plan for our future.
Jen Sincero said it best in the book, You are a Baddass.
It’s not your fault that you’re fucked up. It’s your fault if you stay fucked up.
Jen Sincero
If we do not choose to change, then change will not happen. Because no matter what has happened in our past, we are in charge of our future.
Change Begins with Recogizing our Limiting Beliefs?
Limiting beliefs are ideas we have about who we are based on experiences from our past. Some come from our childhood and the things our parents said to us growing up, some of our limiting beliefs are cultural or religious. Regardless of their origin, these beliefs hold us back and keep us from living the life that we desire.
You will know if it is a limiting belief because it is a phrase that you tell yourself over and over again that keeps you from believing in yourself, trying new things, taking risks, and accepting that good things are possible for you. They often sound like…
I’m not smart enough to do something like that
She’s way out of my league. She would never go out with someone like me.
No one cares about my opinion. I have nothing interesting to say.
My relationships always end in disaster, so I am destined to be alone.
I could never start my own business. I would just screw it up.
Life is hard and I can’t do anything to change that.
What do all limiting beliefs have in common? They are just thoughts. Although it may seem like these are facts, you have no evidence to support these thoughts.
How Do We Change the Fault in Our Scars?
- The first thing you have to do is believe that change is possible and be open to changing, even when it is hard. Because yes, real and sustainable change is hard!
- Think about the future you want for yourself. Regardless of the scars from your past, it is possible to set attainable goals for your future.
- After you create your goals, ask yourself why it is important to you.
- Become aware of the limiting beliefs that are holding you back. They often begin with: I can’t, I won’t, I have always. When you realize you’re having a limiting belief challenge that thought and adopt a new belief.
- Be willing to fail and try again. Have the courage to ask for help. Be open to learning new things and learning from your mistakes.
- Celebrate small victories.
Change is hard but not impossible and you are already on your way to new possibilities.
As a coach, I work with my clients to determine goals and create action steps to reach those goals. We also work together to identify the limiting beliefs and change the narrative. If you are interested in learning more about coaching and the possibility of a new future, you can schedule a 15-minute complimentary consultation call.
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